Real Life Hero Series: Dave Cornthwaite from SayYesMore

I connected with Dave Cornthwaite recently after several people in my network said, “he’s just one of those special people you simply must know.” They were right. Dave inspires me not just because he pushes himself to complete epic adventures, but also because he pays forward his love for outdoor challenges to his community. I think actively helping others to achieve their “impossible” dreams is a form of kindness that transcends the everyday inspire by storytelling.

In this first of the Kind Effect Real Life Heroes Series, I hope you gather from Dave that the sky isn’t even the limit. Also that you can positively change the lives of other people just by being you and following your path. Here’s Dave:

I think a good adventure is a solid personal growth tool — knowing how to spend time by yourself is a lost art and one so central to living a balanced life — and it means we take less for granted.

Photo by David Altabev

For the readers who aren’t familiar with you or your movement SayYesMore, please enlighten us.  

My name is Dave, and a long time ago I decided to ditch a dead-end job and a ten-hour-a-day PlayStation habit to see what life would look like if I treated it like an experiment. SayYesMore was a personal motto that gently nudged me toward taking on random projects and adventures, like skateboarding across Australia, staying awake for 72 hours, and finding 50 ways to make £50.

These days, SayYesMore is more than just a motto, it’s a social enterprise that helps nudge people toward making the most of their time, mostly by organizing free storytelling and sharing gatherings in the outdoors. The YesTribe is the community rallied around SayYesMore, they’re a kind bunch, you’d like them.

I saw that one of your core beliefs is that the world needs more people who have come alive. Why do you think this is important?

It seems pretty easy these days for most westerners to zombie their way through life. If they get ill, they have access to medicine and get better. A 9-to-5 will cover basic living expenses. There's running water … ten different types of bread to pick from in the supermarket. Life is really easy, and you can live for 80 or so years without trying. 

I think that fortune makes folks lazy, which means we think less about others and feel there is less to get excited about. Certainly, it's not a daily occurrence to meet someone who is creating something that they believe in, a useful addition to our way of life. When you meet someone whose eyes shine just because they love life and they're doing things in tune with how they feel, it's infectious. They're alive! I'm pretty sure the ripple effect of coming into contact with happy people can only be positive.

What do you think is the role of community in our lives? Also, tell us about YesTribe.

The notion of community has changed over time but much like our general disconnection from nature, there's a natural desire for belonging in all of us. Yes, it's nice to be needed, but we live in this world full of opinion-based messages, which offer really poor guidance to the average soul.

For me, the heart of the YesTribe is that you can enter a room full of strangers and feel supported, loved even, without any concerns about success or faith or body shape or skin color. When you're in a supportive community, confidence will grow and you'll inch toward being an improved version of yourself, which means you also find time to give back. It's cyclical: you take, you're selfish sometimes, and then with that pot full you offer time, skills, and energy to others. 

You’ve embarked on some really inspiring adventures in your lifetime that have turned fear into potential. Tell us a little about what you’ve accomplished (don’t be shy, give us a humble brag).

Honestly, I don't really see my adventures as something to brag about. They're just things I did once upon a time, I did them without training or much money and just got to the end because I really enjoyed the process. Skateboarding across Australia was my first trip of a personal project I call Expedition1000, twenty-five journeys of 1000 miles or more, each using a different form of non-motorized transport. No racing, no competition, just good old fashioned slow travel.

So far, I've completed fifteen of these challenges, including paddle boarding the length of the Mississippi, sailing across the Pacific, swimming the Missouri, riding a water bike the length of the Norwegian coastline. All different experiences, all testing out different parts of body and mind.

I think a good adventure is a solid personal growth tool — knowing how to spend time by yourself is a lost art and one so central to living a balanced life — and it means we take less for granted.

What differentiates being kind from being nice? Why do you think kindness matters?

I read somewhere recently that kindness is offering your strength to others rather than revealing their weaknesses. Kindness takes some energy and certainty, whereas we can all pretend to be nice and immediately revert back to self obsession. 

Kindness is a muscle, like optimism and confidence. You use it a lot and it gets stronger. And I really do think that a largely overlooked precursor for our mental health decline is that people are focused inward rather than in community and looking after others. If everyone were kind they'd feel better in themselves, it's the best healer and just happens to help others feel good too.

During your travels around the world, what stands out as one of the kindest things someone in another country has done for you?

This is such a hard one to answer! Barely a day has gone by on my travels without the kindness of a stranger making a difference. I've been taken into so many peoples’ homes and offered so many meals, lifts, and showers. It's humbling. I couldn't even begin to pay it all back.

That's how I see the world, with potential, and that's because of the accumulation of kindness sent my way.

I was swimming down the Missouri in 2012 and was drifting into a town, I think it was Kansas City. I swam under an enormous road bridge and heard the sound of bagpipes on the shore, it was so random! I'm not even Scottish, but I imagined that the player had come out just to support this Brit. Later that day I got a Facebook message from the bagpiper, and sure enough he'd read about the journey and came out to pay his respects. I imagined the act was kind even before knowing it was intended. That's how I see the world, with potential, and that's because of the accumulation of kindness sent my way.

Was there a time when you felt hopeless before SayYesMore came to be? If so, what had to happen inside yourself to redesign your life for the better?

Absolutely. I didn't see any reason to be around at all. I was a waste of space, doing work that didn't make a difference, losing my time to video games as well as hoarding in comfort. Heck, there's a time and a place to reward yourself, but I was hiding behind shiny short-term gifts and it felt so vapid. I don't think we can escape ourselves if we're not contributing somehow.

My moment of no return came in a conversation with my cat, Kiwa.

She basically said, "Listen dude, I'm happy and you're not. And you're the one with the choice." Sensible cat.

Part of your philosophy is making small life changes that make a big difference especially at times when all feels hopeless. How do you suggest someone get started down a new path if they’ve gotten off track or feel less than what they’d like to experience? 

Habits develop fast. Do something for four days and it'll start to stick. And there's no better way to get out of a rut than to get outside and start to concentrate on things you like. There doesn't have to be a goal or a reward at the end, just a process. If you exercise every morning, even the mornings when you don't want to get out of bed, you'll be better able to discipline yourself in other areas.

Otherwise, hang out with people who inspire you, or listen to their podcasts. Eat better. Do some physical labor. Offer up some kindness each day.

We get stuck if we let ourselves go (even in rough times when the universe isn't being overly fair). All we have is our minds, we may as well try and use them as best we can.

In my opinion, I think both “saying yes more” and “going out of your way to be kind” each require someone to get uncomfortable. Even though these are things people want more of, what do you think holds people back from actually taking action on them?

You nailed it. People don't like being uncomfortable, this is why a large portion of the UK population has never camped outside. Saying yes to something that you've never done before is hard because of fear of failure and all that. But I reassure myself that nobody really cares about my successes, not really, so if they appear to take notice of my failures then they're not the type of people I need around anyway!

You know those little (or big) aches and pains we feel when we start exercising after a lazy month? Well, they hurt, but after a while they go away and we feel stronger and run faster. Even if we just stretch for a few minutes each day every movement feels easier. Same with saying yes, same with kindness: they're habits and mindsets to develop. Do it enough and it's hard to break, and I know I'd rather be a kind “yes person” than a self-obsessed naysayer. 

What’s next for you, your movement, and your community?

SayYesMore and the YesTribe have always grown organically but now, after four years and hundreds of events, we're starting to develop a really nice voluntary system where people can dip in and dip out while doing some good at the same time as looking after themselves. We're always looking for more volunteers to run campouts, set up storytelling nights in their local towns, and generally just be gatherers. We train and teach skills to each one of our volunteers, so it's a growth thing as much as community building.

We've just started to reach out to investors to buy woodland for more accessible wild camping around the country, which would make visits to the outdoors more comfortable for people. So with the right support we'll have a few more acres around the UK by the end of 2020.

For me personally, I've have ten more 1,000-milers to go, so I’ll likely do at least one next year. Also, my wife and I are looking at ways to finance a tiny home on a good plot of land so we can create another cool countryside spot where people can spend time outside. All exciting stuff.

To find out more visit The YesTribe on Facebook, or swing by the SayYesMore website or Dave’s personal site. Also, check out the YesTribe and Dave on Instagram.